This has been something I've been struggling to confidently say for years. When I tried to go cold turkey before I would eventually relapse and the cycle would repeat itself. This time however I feel more confident in saying that I have no desire to look at pornography of any kind any more. If I were you I'd get some snacks and strap in because this post isn't going to be a deep dive into how my addiction started, how it has affected me in the long run and what ultimately made me decide it just wasn't worth it anymore.
When I was a kid (maybe 9 or 10), I picked up a Men's Health magazine and on the second to last page was an ad for a sex pill with a bare chested woman laying on top of a man. This was the earliest memory I can think of when I found that women being partially or completely naked looked cool. It then lead me to look up basic phrases on the Internet such as "naked women" "nude girls" and "sexy girls" among others. I went down the rabbit hole that was pornography and was hooked for almost a decade and a half.
The most common side effects of viewing pornography on a daily basis differ from person to person. For me it was having a skewed perspective on all the women in my life during my high school years. I never had a girlfriend in high school and I thank God I didn't because I either would've treated her like an object or cheat on her with another girl I found prettier. While my sexual urges never caused me to rape anyone, it did make me come across as a creep more than a few times. I once asked a lady I didn't know what sex was at the public library. If I wasn't a minor, I'd would've gotten maced at best or arrested at worst just for asking a question like that. I also had this bad habit of giving one girl in particular various gifts in a stupid attempt to get her to like me back. It got to the point where she rightfully told the school counselor about it and asked me to please stop. I'm glad I did because I was probably one unwarranted advancement away from being put on a restraining order. The most embarrassing moment for me though was trying to share a shower with either my sister or my aunt. Yeah, there's being a dumb kid and then there's being a straight up pervert. I'm more than ashamed I did any of those things and I thank God I've been forgiven for all of them.
Another major side effects to viewing pornography daily was it made me defensive and secretive about it. When I was first caught, it was embarrassing and rightfully so. It's like being caught with your hand in the cookie jar. And yet even after I was caught, I still viewed it in secret because the root of the problem wasn't handled properly. I didn't just watch porn because I liked it; moreover, I watched it because I was a lonely depressed kid with little friends and a severe lack of understanding of my purpose in life. This continued well into my adulthood when I was now stuggling to get a rise from something that was bringing me less and less enjoyment as time went on.
If I could point to the number one worst side effect of pornography, is its negative influence it had when it came to sexual encounters with strangers. I can most definitely say that despite meeting up with many strangers both men and women, I NEVER had a good sexual encounter. They were all varying degrees of filthy, unengaging and overall unsatisfying. While I knew pornography was not representative of real sex, I didn't know how underwhelming casual encounters were until I actually had them.
So, what changed? How did I go from a struggling addict to completely apathetic towards porn in general? Well, it was a number of factors, but the biggest was becoming a born-again Christian. While getting baptized and recieved the gift of the Holy Ghost didn't immediately cure me, I did slowly but surely start to drift away from porn as the years went by. Another key factor in the decimation of my addiction was having good relationships with a bunch of female friends and co-workers. The women in my life today are all smart, funny, caring, patient and understanding and they make me feel more appreciative of all the great women I've had in my life (such as my Mom, Grandma, my older sisters and teachers). Most recently, I've come to the realization that pornography is everything I said I didn't like in my last post about eye candy. Men and especially women in pornography are essentially reduced to sponges when put in front of the camera. Similarly, erotic drawings serve no other purpose than to arouse viewers with characters from an existing IP partaking in lewd acts. I've also come to the realization that if I spend so much of my time watching, writing and drawing porn, why don't I use all that time to create something original and fun?
Sure enough it was these factors that made me decide it was time to finally kick the bucket for good and start living my life. I just turned 24 over a week ago and I know for a fact that I don't want to spend another decade and a half dabbling in pornography. This is going to be the start of a new chapter in my life and this will hopefully lead to much better things down the road.
Thursday, July 9, 2020
Friday, July 3, 2020
Why Eye Candy Is Degrading
"I am NOT a prize to be won!" Princess Jasmine from Aladdin (1992)
This quote from Jasmine basically sums up how I feel every time a female character with a strong personality shows up. We are living in a revolutionary era of entertainment where woman are given prominent roles in movies, TV shows and video games and are made to be well rounded, likable, relatable and a true role model. Unfortunately, this wasn't always the case and every now and then we get the occasional female character (with some male exceptions) that are only relegated to just stand there and look pretty. In Layman's terms: they're simply eye candy.
Now this was an inherent problem that dates back long before the concept of filmmaking came into fruition. Women were often placed on display as prizes by prominent leaders and who's primary function was to give birth and nurse babies. A prominent female leader such as Cleopatra and Mary, Queen of Scotts were the exception, but not the rule. It wasn't until as recent as over 100 years ago when the feminist movement gained prominence and women start demanding equal treatment.
Back on the topic of women in entertainment, one of the most notorious tropes that perfectly exemplifies the eye candy mentality is the "damsel in distress." Typically the hero has to save the damsel from a dastardly villain and is rewarded with a kiss or in some cases a hand in marriage. Now, this trope itself isn't bad (obviously a story needs stakes to be engaging) but the fact that many damsels in distress are deviod of personality is itself a problem. Take for example Ann Darrow from the original 1933 film King Kong. Everybody remembers the mighty gorilla, but nobody talks about Ann Darrow, who was the epitome of eye candy. She mostly just stands their and looks pretty, occasional screams in terror while everyone else actually moves the plot along. Disney themselves are guilty of this as Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty is often regarded as the weakest Disney Princess interms of personality and character development. While she's is pretty, Mary Costa gives a good performance as her original voice (both speaking and singing), she isn't made to be any more interesting to the audience as she is to Prince Phillip. She is ultimately bedridden at the end of the second Act and almost immediately after Prince Phillip breaks her curse with true love's kiss, they're hitched and dancing in the throne room.
Eye candy is not exclusively linked to the damsel and distress trope, however, as sometime it's a trope in and of itself. Remember Nazz from Ed, Edd, n Eddy? She's a perfect example of this trope and is easily the most boring character in a show full of wacky characters. Episodes like Boys Will Be Eds best exemplify how one-dimensional Nazz is as a character as all the boys (sans Jimmy) fall for her yet her unique personality is just be pretty while standing up for Jimmy. The show never develops her as an interesting character beyond just the stereotypical pretty girl with some hints of a personality, but not enough for me to care.
The problem with making female characters nothing more than eye candy is it makes the girls and women who are watching the show or movie feel under appreciated. It also makes me as a man who supports equal treatment for women feel embarrassed. If all Timmy Turner sees in Trixie Tang is just a pretty face, than I have no reason to care about his attempts to woo her. If Drake Parker doesn't actually care for half the girls he dates, why should I? If you're goimg to make a female character for the male protagonist to fall for, you need to do more than just slap on a pretty face to what might as well be a piece of cardboard. I no longer think it's funny that Susan Storm is forced to strip naked in 2005's Fantastic Four; I think it's degrading and undermines her as a character. I don't just want to save Princess Peach in a Mario game, I want to spend time with her so that when she is kidnapped by Bowser (again) I have more incentive to rescue her.
Fortunately many creators have learned from these passed shortcomings and female characters today are better than ever. Occasionally there is that one show, movie or video game that falls into the eye candy trap but those are now the exception, not the rule. The Disney Princess lineup has gotten significantly more diverse in terms of personality and character development, female characters in TV shows are far more interesting and engaging then they were in the past and being able to play as female characters in video games has become a stable thanks in part to Metroid. This truly is a grand time for female characters, who have come a long way from being just a prize to be won.
This quote from Jasmine basically sums up how I feel every time a female character with a strong personality shows up. We are living in a revolutionary era of entertainment where woman are given prominent roles in movies, TV shows and video games and are made to be well rounded, likable, relatable and a true role model. Unfortunately, this wasn't always the case and every now and then we get the occasional female character (with some male exceptions) that are only relegated to just stand there and look pretty. In Layman's terms: they're simply eye candy.
Now this was an inherent problem that dates back long before the concept of filmmaking came into fruition. Women were often placed on display as prizes by prominent leaders and who's primary function was to give birth and nurse babies. A prominent female leader such as Cleopatra and Mary, Queen of Scotts were the exception, but not the rule. It wasn't until as recent as over 100 years ago when the feminist movement gained prominence and women start demanding equal treatment.
Back on the topic of women in entertainment, one of the most notorious tropes that perfectly exemplifies the eye candy mentality is the "damsel in distress." Typically the hero has to save the damsel from a dastardly villain and is rewarded with a kiss or in some cases a hand in marriage. Now, this trope itself isn't bad (obviously a story needs stakes to be engaging) but the fact that many damsels in distress are deviod of personality is itself a problem. Take for example Ann Darrow from the original 1933 film King Kong. Everybody remembers the mighty gorilla, but nobody talks about Ann Darrow, who was the epitome of eye candy. She mostly just stands their and looks pretty, occasional screams in terror while everyone else actually moves the plot along. Disney themselves are guilty of this as Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty is often regarded as the weakest Disney Princess interms of personality and character development. While she's is pretty, Mary Costa gives a good performance as her original voice (both speaking and singing), she isn't made to be any more interesting to the audience as she is to Prince Phillip. She is ultimately bedridden at the end of the second Act and almost immediately after Prince Phillip breaks her curse with true love's kiss, they're hitched and dancing in the throne room.
Eye candy is not exclusively linked to the damsel and distress trope, however, as sometime it's a trope in and of itself. Remember Nazz from Ed, Edd, n Eddy? She's a perfect example of this trope and is easily the most boring character in a show full of wacky characters. Episodes like Boys Will Be Eds best exemplify how one-dimensional Nazz is as a character as all the boys (sans Jimmy) fall for her yet her unique personality is just be pretty while standing up for Jimmy. The show never develops her as an interesting character beyond just the stereotypical pretty girl with some hints of a personality, but not enough for me to care.
The problem with making female characters nothing more than eye candy is it makes the girls and women who are watching the show or movie feel under appreciated. It also makes me as a man who supports equal treatment for women feel embarrassed. If all Timmy Turner sees in Trixie Tang is just a pretty face, than I have no reason to care about his attempts to woo her. If Drake Parker doesn't actually care for half the girls he dates, why should I? If you're goimg to make a female character for the male protagonist to fall for, you need to do more than just slap on a pretty face to what might as well be a piece of cardboard. I no longer think it's funny that Susan Storm is forced to strip naked in 2005's Fantastic Four; I think it's degrading and undermines her as a character. I don't just want to save Princess Peach in a Mario game, I want to spend time with her so that when she is kidnapped by Bowser (again) I have more incentive to rescue her.
Fortunately many creators have learned from these passed shortcomings and female characters today are better than ever. Occasionally there is that one show, movie or video game that falls into the eye candy trap but those are now the exception, not the rule. The Disney Princess lineup has gotten significantly more diverse in terms of personality and character development, female characters in TV shows are far more interesting and engaging then they were in the past and being able to play as female characters in video games has become a stable thanks in part to Metroid. This truly is a grand time for female characters, who have come a long way from being just a prize to be won.
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